In memorium

In loving memory of Diggy

This year, the day after Christmas, we had to put down a beloved cat who had been with us for the last 14 years. His name was Diggy, short for Dignity. I miss him so much. He was a very special cat who we all adored.

Diggy came to our barn full of hay in the winter of 2003. My Dad found him, and we started feeding him out there. I began to go out and cuddle with Diggy in the hay, and we quickly became close friends.

Diggy in our barn

He would hunt for mice and birds around our house but would usually come when called. He had the cutest little run and was always so excited to see us. When I was in high school, the high point of my day was getting to spend time with Diggy.

Lisa with Diggy outside barnDiggy with our horses

I spent many hours outdoors playing with and petting him. We would run in the horse pasture together, cuddle by the pole barn, and play in the grass on the lawn. During the colder months, we would let him in the house for a while to feed him and spend time with him. I would take him in my bedroom and cuddle with him. He was so sweet and gentle and just loved to be with us. We called him our little horse because he spent a lot of time with our horses and would roll around in the dirt and hay.

Diggy looking over yard

Lisa with Diggy on lawn

One winter about six years ago, we decided it was time for Diggy to retire from being an outside cat and come live inside with us. He was more than happy to and adjusted to it well. We were both older, and I was in college and had less time to spend with him. Still, on breaks and time home I would enjoy being with him greatly. We all loved and adored him.

Diggy in the windowDiggy on the floorDiggy with me inside

Letting him go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. He was suffering, though, and it was time. He will live on in my heart, dreams, and thoughts.

In loving memory of Diggy Read More »

So it was you

So it was you.
I could never have guessed.
Suppose that’s what I get
For going places
I have no right to be.
I could be mad.
I could hate you.
You know I do not,
though perhaps
it would be better for you
if I did.

I am just sad.
A little for me,
some for you,
and more for them.

My eyes are open now.
If I retrace the path,
I know where it leads,
But what of the rest?

We are no more particles,
than we are waves.

Your form has collapsed.
Whatever that means,
I could not possibly begin
to know.

I do know you will never read this.
You have learned your lesson,
as I have mine.

You were cursed,
just like them,
and now you are gone.

You will not believe this,
but I was cursed too.
A different curse.
The curse of Uncertainty.
A gift from me alone,
to myself.

I fell in love
with the story.
It was never mine,
yet still to me it spoke.

I am so sorry,
that for you,
it was real.

If I could tell you one,
it would only be,
that You are forgiven.

So it was you Read More »

In memory of my beautiful darling Roy

Roy lived a long and happy life among friends. He had the gentlest nicker. When with him in the pasture, he would often nuzzle the back of my neck — his sweet grain scented breath warming my back on a cold day.

We got Roy a very long time ago. I must hRoy, a beautiful palomino horse, standing with meave been in the first or second grade, if not younger. He was living at a stable with a bunch of other horses. When we went to see him for the first time, he had a gash on his face from when another horse had chased him and he ran into something sharp. The other horses at the stable were rather mean to Roy, then Sunny. We fell in love with his personality and his beautiful gold  coat.

He was our lovely palomino.

When he first came home, we introduced him to Tavi, an appaloosa mare we had gotten a few years before with another appaloosa, Joe. Joe was blind. He had had an accident like Roy’s, apparently, but had not made it out so lucky. I realize I was much smaller when we had Joe, but even my parents remember Joe as being very very tall.

Joe and Tavi were close. They had lived together for a very long time. Joe would stay near Tavi, who would guide him and keep him safe. Sadly, my parents gave Joe away a short while later, as my sister and I were quite young and they feared he would accidentally hurt us.

We got Roy after Joe left. Maybe that explains why Tavi and Roy clashed so furiously at first. Tavi missed her friend from forever and resented Roy coming in in his place. Or maybe they were both just afraid.

They settled after a bit, and became close friends. We had four all together then — Robin, our pinto mini, Kokey, our dirty buckskin (I.E., brownish) mini, Tavi, and Roy. They were together throughout my time in elementary school, and I have many fond memories of going outside with my sister and playing with them.

Roy was kind of considered my Dad’s horse — Robin was kind of mine, and Kokey my sister’s. Roy was always full of energy on a ride. For the longest time, only my Dad would ride him. I remember one of their first rides was in the sandy pasture up front, and at one point Roy slipped in the sand and sat down with my Dad on his back. They were both fine, save for a little bruised dignity. We have pictures of this day which bring back happy memories.

We had a bit of a tradition with Roy. My Dad would kiss Roy on the nose sometimes while he was out feeding all of the horses. After a while, any time one of us would go outside to feed them, my Dad would say “Kiss Roy for me” or “Remember to give Roy-boy his goodnight kiss.”

I must have kissed Roy at least a hundred times. Sometimes he would poke his nose over the fence, as if expecting it. Roy was a very sweet and gentle creature.

Thanksgiving of this year, we went out to visit the horses, and my sister and Dad rode several of them, including Roy. This was a beautiful day. It was the first time my sister had sat on Roy’s back, and also the last.

I had ridden Roy before and found him a fun but challenging ride. I remember at one point he charged towards a closed gate rather quickly during this ride. I was maybe in fourth grade, and found it a bit scary. But when it was over I was so proud to have ridden him, and now have fond memories of that day.

I was feeling sort of sad on Thanksgiving, kind of a heaviness, or feeling of inevitability that I could not really explain. At one point while I was standing on a hill during my sister’s ride, I had a thought that this might be Roy’s last winter. He had been having health problems that year, though for a 30 year old horse, he was still hanging in there pretty strong. I knew it would not last forever, though, and appreciated all the time I had left with my friend.

After my sister finished riding Roy that day, and he had returned to the pasture, I went over to him. We looked at each other for a moment, and I told him he was a wonderful horse and that I loved him dearly.

I kissed his nose one last time. Then we parted. Forever.

Roy will live on in my heart and my dreams.

In memory of my beautiful darling Roy Read More »